If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
