i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
