I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
