Do you still have your period?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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