if you like me you must not know who I am
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
