remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?