Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.