I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead