it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
