If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
