I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my shit smells like andre
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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