I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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