i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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