I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
