a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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