Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
