you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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