So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
