I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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