It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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