if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
