sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
