First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
