So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize