I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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