I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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