Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my liver is dry heaving
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
