drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
