nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize