I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
