i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
