Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
