My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
