Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
