so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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