dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
