think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
