I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
