Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
