If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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