My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
