Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
