Me. At least after what I've been through.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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