Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
