I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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