I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
