so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
