gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
is it fun? or sober?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
