How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
