Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
