If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
