I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
