I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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