I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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