ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
