I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
