hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
