How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
