Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
