I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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