from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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