I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
