i can't believe i had my finger in that
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
