your thong is hanging out like whoa
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
