I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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