plz talk dirty to me
I puked a lego.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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