I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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