when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
