at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
