If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize