just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
