I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
