he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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