Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize