Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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