i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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