I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
