Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
