what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize