I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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