You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
