Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
