I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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