Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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