I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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