I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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