Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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