I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
