Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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