the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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